Over the past few weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about peace. What it means, what it feels like. I’ve also done some reading about it and was intrigued by a chapter Beth Moore wrote about the link between the authority of Christ and the peace we experience when we submit to Him in obedience. I looked up some Scriptures about the peace of Christ, and I was all prepared to write a blogpost about it. In fact, I sat down to write it on a Saturday evening, but didn’t get very far. The thoughts just didn’t seem to be flowing, so I decided to put it away and come back to it later.
Then the unthinkable happened. Early the next morning, our oldest daughter suffered a seizure. She has always had a mild seizure disorder as a result of a stroke in utero, but this was a big one, bigger and scarier than anything she has ever had before. It was honestly the most terrifying five minutes of my life. Despite my experience as a nurse, I found myself panicking and having to force my mind to tell me what steps needed to be taken to ensure her safety. She was taken by ambulance to the ER where she was monitored for a couple of hours, then sent home with increased medication. We saw her neurologist the next day, and he answered all of our questions and eased many of our fears by helping us develop a plan for what to do if this should happen again. We have received and continue to receive emails, text messages, and phone calls from friends and family both near and far, with words of encouragement and support and prayers for peace and comfort.
PEACE. That word has come to mean so much more than it already did. I have been praying for peace for months, even years. And just recently, after reading the Beth Moore chapter about Christ’s authority, I began to understand what it means to release our fears, anxieties, our plans, doubts, our accomplishments, failures, and everything to His authority. We always talk about submitting to Christ, casting our cares on Him, laying our burdens at His feet. And even as I have been reading, thinking, and praying about this, although it began to seem a little clearer, I still wondered what it really looks like to do this. Am I doing it right? Am I doing it enough? I like to be in control of what happens in my life and the life of my family. I feel like I’m pretty good at giving the “big things” to God – our next step, our finances, our future. But the day to day stuff is so much harder.
When our daughter was having her seizure, I was on the phone with the 911 dispatcher and Luke was at our daughter’s side. I looked over and he was praying fervently as I was frantically trying to focus on what the dispatcher was saying and remember what I was supposed to do in this situation. When we got to the ER, I reflected on watching Luke pray and was struck by the thought that it didn’t even occur to me to pray. My instinct was to panic and call for help. Then I started thinking that I should be praying even then, in the ER as I hovered over her asking her repeatedly how she was feeling. But I had no words. I was thankful to receive a message from a dear friend reminding me that there is nowhere we can go where the Spirit isn’t. I found comfort in this, but I failed to find peace. Throughout the rest of that day and the next, I was a bundle of anxiety. I prayed for peace but never felt at peace. I was frustrated that despite all the reading, thinking, and praying I had recently done about peace, in the midst of a crisis, I found it lacking. Finally, after meeting with the doctor and formulating an emergency plan (which includes a medication we can give if another seizure occurs), I felt less anxious about the situation and wondered if I was “finding” peace.
The truth is, I didn’t “find” peace from having a plan. I found a tiny bit of control within my grasp. And I held to that tightly for those next several days. I debriefed and vented to Luke over and over, and he gently reminded me that these beautiful children the Lord has given to us are His. He is their Father, their Creator. He was with us in our daughter’s bedroom that awful morning, with His hand on her body. And He is with her right now as she sleeps, He’s with her when she goes to school. He loves her, even more than we do. We have to place her in His hands, to submit her life to Him and His authority and trust that He can and will care for her better than we can. And in doing this, we will find peace, the peace of Christ that passes understanding, peace that will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:7).
This is true for every area of our lives – every decision, every relationship, every situation. This is the link between obedience and peace – submit to His authority, and you will find peace, even in the most difficult struggles. He is in control, and why wouldn’t we want Him to be? Not only is He all-powerful and all-knowing, but He loves us. He cares about the big stuff and the day-to-day stuff. Releasing my tight grasp on control, especially when it comes to my kids, is frightening. But I’m learning, often the hard way, that I can and should trust Him and allow myself to rest in the peace that can only come from the Prince of Peace.
